I hope I am one of those who can reach an orgasm in five minutes and every five minutes. But that's not me (or maybe not you), it doesn't matter.

  It’s not uncommon for people with penises to feel (or make their partners feel) that they orgasm too fast, while people with vulva feel that they take too long. The reverse is also true-people with penis may feel abrupt due to how long their partner lasts (or their partner will jaw), while vulvar patients may feel embarrassed by the rapid ecstasy of their body. Regardless of your orgasm speed, there are many ways to get a satisfying sex life. 

  Your orgasm is worth it (if you want it)

  If you are someone who needs time, it can be frustrating. You have a lot of things to do, you just want to take off your socks (or let them take off). I used to be a 3-8 minute masturbation "orgasmist", but I feel that as I grow older, my orgasm becomes more like a journey.

  Since it takes longer for my partner to orgasm, I began to worry about my partner's happiness and their efforts. This will distract me and cause undue stress. The following are tips to help me re-adjust and relax.

  Ask what you want to hear

  When my orgasm started to take longer, my partner realized that it made me feel uncomfortable. In response, whenever I came to my mind, they would tell me things like "I like your taste" or "I can do this all day." This let me know that they are not tired, they are happy to make me happy. This simple guarantee will help me live in the present again.

  Reduce (or eliminate) guilt

  If you are worried about your partner's wrists, tongue, neck, vagina, etc., that is reasonable. In a recent study on pain during intercourse, 5% of men and 30% of women stated that they had experienced pain during their last sex (Herbenick, Schick, Sanders, Reece, and Fortenberry, 2020). Unless it is part of our kinks, pain should not be a normal part of sex. Solution: Establish honest and open communication. Make sure you and your partner are comfortable speaking out when you feel unwell, or you need to rest. This may mean taking a break. You can also mix them with the help of different body parts and/or sex toys. If you know what your partner will ask them for, you will feel more comfortable sitting down and enjoying these feelings.

  Pursue feeling, not the ultimate goal

  The goal of changing sex from reaching orgasm may actually help achieve orgasm. You may be obsessed with one aspect of sex games and ignore other fun. Instead of focusing on trying to make something happen, it's better to go back to the basics. Immerse yourself in your feelings. For example, recognizing pornographic voices, opinions, smells, tastes and feelings in your mind allows you to enter the present moment.

  Penis technique

  In addition to learning to reach orgasm without ejaculating, you can also try some methods to slow down orgasm.

  When the testicles ascend to the body, pull down quickly and firmly. It may take many attempts to learn, so remember that patience is a virtue. You don't want to pull hard and hurt them/yourself. In addition, you want to avoid increasing the arousal that may push them/you to the edge.

  If you are accustomed to bareback sex, try using a condom to reduce feelings.

  Creating some restriction at the base of the penis can help maintain a strong erection. However, make sure that there are not too many restrictions.

  Ask what you like

  For people who are menstruating, feelings, sensual areas, preferred touch methods, etc. may vary throughout the month. So, what you liked three days ago can easily make you explode, and it may not be that hot today. This can be frustrating, especially when your partner is trying to replicate what happened. Rather than stay silent, or pretend it is working (to understand why, see the end of disguise), it is recommended to switch or change. I have a lot of things that I like. If they do not do this for me one day, I will suggest changes in position, pressure, angle, lubrication level, etc., until I find a more satisfactory option. If something doesn't work well, there is no reason to waste time-but figuring out what will get better!

  Your mind is your most powerful sex organ

  Sometimes we will enter the sexy time too quickly, and our body will respond with delayed, slow or unsatisfactory arousal. Start your mental arousal before touching the genitals so you can be ready to make your body enjoyable. This can include sexy text, defamatory notes, non-sexual nudity and touch, and teasing touch. If your body begs for release before starting to touch the genitals, then you are more likely to reach orgasm.

  Another way to incorporate your thoughts is fantasy. In solo and cooperative sex, fantasies can be the difference between an interesting feeling and being pushed to orgasm. You can choose to start fantasizing at any time, from before you start to before you want to orgasm-any way that works best for you!

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