When we think of orgasm, we tend to think of releasing, letting go, and allowing our body to fully experience all the enjoyment that goes hand in hand with orgasm. Giving up control and getting lost in overwhelming pleasure is part of the magic of orgasm. However, reaching orgasm too early (through rapid ejaculation) or too late (delayed ejaculation) is what some consider a sexual problem. Whether the ejaculation problem is due to performance anxiety or something else, don't you wish you could learn how to control your orgasm at a time like this? However, speaking of control, the act (or art) of orgasm control has many benefits and can even open doors to even more fun.
Read on to learn all about orgasm control, what it is, how it works, and the benefits (and potential downsides) it brings.
Why control your orgasm?
There are several reasons why an individual or couple might play with orgasm control. They may do this to prolong the duration of sex or increase the intensity of intercourse, as this can enhance the experience in general, and the final orgasm in particular.
Additionally, people may practice orgasm control to help avoid premature ejaculation or build some sexual confidence, which may come from knowing one's body and orgasm and being able to manipulate them to suit the activity at hand.
Orgasm control isn't limited to cooperative play. Individuals may choose to practice it on their own for fun or to learn about their body and build sexual stamina.
Understand the orgasm process
If you want to control your orgasm, it may be helpful to understand the stages of arousal involved in the orgasm process. This way, you can know when to stop and start stimulation. There are usually four stages of arousal, but the sensations felt during these stages can vary from person to person.
The four stages of awakening
1. Excited. During this stage, you may feel your heartbeat increase. Your muscles may become tense and your skin may flush. When this happens, blood rushes to the genitals. At this point you may notice that the vagina is lubricated (getting "wet") and the scrotum is pulled up toward the body. At this stage, sensory play during intercourse can go a long way towards boosting libido. You can try sensory play during sex to help with foreplay.
2. Plateau. This stage is when you climax on the highway. Everything in the "arousal" phase is still happening, and it increases in intensity as you begin to approach orgasm. At this stage, your whole body is overloaded with pleasure.
3. Climax. Big O! Orgasm consists of various muscle and nerve responses that can trigger euphoria and ejaculation from the penis or increase vaginal lubrication.
4. Resolution. After an orgasm occurs, the body returns to an unawakened state. The blood leaves the genitals and the heart rate returns to normal. This marks the beginning of the so-called refractory period. A refractory period is a period of time when the body cannot be awakened again. Its length varies from person to person and can range from a few minutes to a few days. Sexually active people seem to have shorter refractory periods than most people.
Now that we have a clear picture of the stages of the orgasm experience, we can identify the "plateau" phase, where people should be prepared to slow down or stop stimulation to prevent orgasm until they are ready to orgasm. The idea is to allow the body to experience the pleasurable sensations of the plateau phase without allowing it to enter the orgasm phase. So how do you do it? Glad you asked!
How can you delay orgasm?
On paper, the process of controlling orgasm is actually a fairly simple one, with four basic steps:
1. Provide sexual stimulation. Whether manually, through sex toys, oral sex or with a sexual partner.
2. The next step is to deny orgasm. What is an orgasm rejection? When you lighten the intensity of the stimulation (or cut it off completely) before orgasm occurs. This can help prolong the sexual experience.
3. After a short break, resume or increase the intensity of stimulation to the sexual partner.
4. Repeat these steps in a loop.
In practice, it can involve different steps and techniques depending on whether you practice alone or with a partner, and what you like and find the piece that works for you.
If you're practicing orgasm control alone, you're in charge of the stimulation, so you can decide how and when to retreat. Also, you can try different methods. For example, some people with penises use a manual method called the "squeeze method" to stop orgasm, which actually involves squeezing the tip of the penis to stop ejaculation. This process is relevant and can be helped with the practice of wearing a cock ring. Anyway, for individual orgasm control, it's totally up to you!
If you are practicing orgasm control with your partner, the first step is communication. As with any other sexual activity, you should discuss orgasm control with your partner before attempting it, and everyone needs to enthusiastically agree to participate. Once you agree to try orgasm control together, you still need to communicate. Discuss having a signal or safe word (something you wouldn't normally say during sex, like "kumquat") to convey readiness for orgasm, and remember to listen to each other. In fact, if you have orgasm control with your partner, you may need to change your position or intensity to prevent orgasm.
When you're ready to orgasm, go for it! In cooperative play, tell your partner that you're ready to orgasm (or have them tell you), and if you're practicing alone, you can orgasm yourself when you're ready.
The benefits of delayed orgasm
The practice of orgasm control has several benefits. According to the International Society of Sexual Medicine, orgasm control and "marginalization" (reaching the brink of orgasm and then stopping or reducing stimulation to prevent orgasm) can enhance sexual activity by increasing arousal and establishing a more satisfying orgasm fun of.
Orgasm control can prolong the duration of sexual contact, which may be preferable for some people. It helps to help people with premature ejaculation. Additionally, orgasm control is a great tool for partners who want to understand each other's preferences. Repeating orgasmic control cycles can provide useful insights into a partner's sexual triggers and provide an opportunity to explore different activities. In BDSM, you can also use your knowledge to force an orgasm. What is a forced orgasm? It basically puts the partners through something that seems to be against their will but has been negotiated in advance between the two agreeing parties.
Finally, orgasm control can be a true sexual confidence builder. People who are concerned about their sexual stamina or ability to orgasm may find this practice helps them last longer and become more familiar with what works for their body. New couples who may still be nervous can use it as a tool to build sex together without rushing to orgasm.
Some people may benefit from incorporating orgasm control into their sexual activity.
Are there downsides to delayed orgasm?
In general, orgasm control is safe and unlikely to cause lasting side effects. That said, some people are concerned that something might happen when edging, so let's talk about them!
The internet is full of people talking about how practicing orgasm control or edge can affect future orgasms. The main problem that arises is to confuse orgasm control with something called delayed ejaculation, a medical condition in which a person with a penis requires more than 30 minutes of sexual stimulation to orgasm, or in some cases cannot achieve sex Orgasm all. Orgasm control is different from delayed ejaculation because it is an activity you choose to engage in, not a condition you deal with. So if you have this stretched path to orgasm and it's not your choice, talk to your doctor as you may be experiencing DE.
Still others worry that practicing orgasm control can cause orgasm to be half or disappear -- orgasm without the full-body sensations we associate with orgasm, like vaginal contractions, or the feeling that you can be on the verge of orgasm but aren't actually orgasm -- or dry Orgasm - A feeling (in this case, someone with a penis) about to orgasm, but then the tension that usually leads to ejaculation wears off. Or, they may feel like they are orgasm, but nothing comes out of the penis.
Both vanishing orgasms and dry orgasms can be triggered by any number of physical and/or psychological factors. If you find yourself going through any of these repeatedly (because things like this can happen in a "one-off" fashion), talk to a medical professional who can evaluate your symptoms and make a diagnosis if needed.
OK, so if you've ever talked to anyone with a penis about sex in high school, chances are you've heard dramatic accounts of the pain and long-term damage that comes with a blue ball at some point (BTW, It has an actual medical name: epididymal hypertension). The good news is that being aroused without an orgasm doesn't hurt, and definitely won't have any long-term effects on a person's sexual health. While the "blue ball" does cause discomfort, it's easy to remedy because (fun fact!) something called the Valsalva maneuver (covering your nose, closing your mouth, and exhaling until you feel your ears clear) can relieve this discomfort.
So this one is fun and can be easily applied to most sexual activities: talk to your partner and check in often. If your pursuit of orgasm control trumps shared pleasure, it may leave your partner unhappy and the relationship unhappy.
Also, like any other sexual activity, orgasm control requires consent. With this in mind, make sure your partner is comfortable with a sex marathon while you practice orgasm control, and never try to control or delay another person's orgasm without their consent.
Orgasm control may seem daunting, but if you're curious, give it a try. Any form of sexual experimentation can help show you what you like and what works for you. Not every experiment will be successful, which is not bad. As long as you take care of yourself and your partner is on board, there is no harm in trying and deciding on your own. And, who knows, you might find living on the "edge" of orgasm control a unique pleasure, especially when you've finally reached that long-awaited orgasm.