For many women, natural vaginal lubrication is part of the switch. But while "getting wet" is a perfectly safe sign that your partner likes it, never assume it. Why? Because even wet tends to mean "hell yes" to you, but it's very likely to be wet without being opened, just as likely to be open without being wet. Everyone is different. In other words, damp is never a substitute for consent, so never be stingy with communicating, "Okay?
All that said, knowing how to help your partner get to that lush, horny place in the sun can be a boon for your overall sex/love life.
wet 101
Let's break it down, shall we? When sexually aroused, blood flow to the vulva increases, stimulating the glands in the vagina to produce fluid. That said, fluid may also come from the walls of the vaginal canal. This moisturization helps lubricate the vagina, promote penetration and prevent friction. But people with lower estrogen levels (ie, those who have gone through menopause, people with certain medical conditions, or some transgender people) may become less wet, if at all. Not to mention, anxiety, stress, and relationship issues naturally make it harder to get wet. On the other hand, your partner's body may involuntarily respond to stimulation, even if they don't like it at the time.
When it comes to getting your partner wet, keep in mind a) it can take time and can require patience (you probably know this from your own experience), and b) everyone is different, so for past partners What works might not work right now.
Once you've done it with warm consent, consider these 6 ways to get your partner soaking wet!
1. Make them feel sexy.
Some of us feel insecure about our vaginas - let's blame it on society's screwed up gender image shit. So, especially if your partner is a little slow in relaxing to accepting pleasure, be clear about how excited they are, how hot you find them, and how much you want to be there. In short, do everything you can to make your partner feel gorgeous and magical. For some people, just being told that someone desperately wants to do it is enough to help them relax. Relaxation is a key factor on the road to delicious moistness.
2. Don't skimp on foreplay.
According to sex coach Amy Levine, women typically need 20 minutes of foreplay to be truly aroused — of course that could be more or less depending. If you're more used to working with penises, this may seem foreign to you, but you just need to look at your body. Kiss your partner up and down, avoiding the clitoris. The idea here is to make them crazy, prequel-style -- maybe even taking inspiration from Tantra's principles of patience.
3. Take matters into your own hands.
We often forget that our hands are pure magic. They can produce a variety of sensations—from gentle, almost non-existent stroking, to firm rub, to deep penetration. A light touch of flirtation really builds anticipation and can be a surefire way to get your partner soaking wet. Start by tracing light, subtle movements on the outside of your partner's underwear. Starting at the top of the labia, stroke their clitoris down. If their clitoris is hard and swollen (or by asking!), you'll know they've opened up. Once they get more excited, explore different levels of speed and pressure, and of course always seek feedback.
4. Put your money where your mouth is.
If you're afraid to look at a woman's vagina, damn it, you can't be down there. Of course, take this with a grain of salt, especially if you're not familiar with people working with cats (and probably still learning to love your own cats). However, know this: For any super-sensitive cat who likes a very gentle touch For people, your tongue can be the ticket. It provides just the right level of pressure, which, combined with the natural moisture of the mouth, usually follows. Try using your mouth on their other erogenous zones, or just take the time Kissing. Some people just get wet during sex!
5. Swear words.
The brain is generally considered to be the most powerful erogenous zone of all of these areas - and for good reason. Your words can be as powerful as any part of your body, and then some. Try telling your partner what you want to do to them, describing what you like about their body and how wet you want them to be. It's also a great creative skill if you're trying to get your partner drenched over a phone call or text. And, if you're not sure what your partner needs in the ninth moment, ask them. Eternal Truth Alert: Communication is hot. Not to mention, when you encourage them to describe what excites them, it can serve as a natural turning point for more serious dirty talk.
6. Lubricating oil.
For those who don't get wet naturally, there's zero shame in lube. After all, that's why lubes exist. Water-based or silicone-based lubes are a good choice because they won't break down condoms or gloves compared to slips of vaginal fluids and are safe for all skin types. On the other hand (thoughtful!), if your partner is very self-lubricating but has sluggish or abnormal sexual chemistry between you, consider not using lube as a crutch as it can sometimes substitute for patient exploration .
Once your partner is well behaved and wet, you're likely to be similarly aroused. At this point, you can use your tongue, your hands, a toy, or a seat belt to take her over the mountain. Alternatively, you might rub against your partner without penetration, AKA rubbing, or outer layers, or "rubbing" with vulva-vaginal behavior.
Bottom line: The best sex comes from intimacy, not rush. Sex always has magical potential and should be treated as such. If you all start there, I know you'll get to that lush, lustful place under the sun together. I heard there is a waterfall there.